WHITINSVILLE, Mass., – Twenty years after he met the love of his life, nearly five years after their wedding, it took a nasty bout of pneumonia for Gary Chalmers to fully appreciate the blessings of marriage.
“I was out of work for eight weeks, spent a week in the hospital,” Chalmers said. “That was the first time I really felt thankful for the sense of the security we had, with Rich there, talking with the physicians, helping make decisions. ... It really made a difference.”
At stake was the most basic recognition of marital bonds – something most spouses take for granted. But until May 17, 2004, when Chalmers and Richard Linnell were among a surge of same-sex couples marrying in Massachusetts, it was legally unavailable to American gays and lesbians.
Since that day, four other states – Connecticut in 2008, and Iowa, Vermont and Maine this year – have legalized same-sex marriage, and more may follow soon. A measure just approved by New Hampshire’s legislature awaits the governor’s decision on whether to sign.
But Massachusetts was the first, providing a five-year record with which to gauge the consequences.
At the time of those first weddings, the debate was red-hot – protests were frequent, expectations ran high that legislators would allow a referendum on whether to overturn the court ruling ordering same-sex marriage. Now, although Roman Catholic leaders and some conservative activists remain vocally opposed, there is overwhelming political support for same-sex marriage and no prospect for a referendum.
According to the latest state figures, through September 2008, there had been 12,167 same-sex marriages in Massachusetts – 64 percent of them between women – out of 170,209 marriages in all. Some consequences have been tangible – a boom for gay-friendly wedding businesses, the exit of a Roman Catholic charity from the adoption business – and some almost defy description.
Mary Bonauto, lead lawyer in the landmark lawsuit, said, “I know people who’d been together 20 years who say, ‘Getting married – it knocked my socks off.’ ”
Neither the federal government nor most other states recognize Massachusetts’ same-sex unions. Partly as a backlash to Massachusetts, 26 states have passed constitutional amendments since May 2004 explicitly limiting marriage to male-female unions.
Even the 2010 census, under the Defense of Marriage Act, likely won’t record legally wed couples in Massachusetts and elsewhere as married.
Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders, the Boston legal firm which won the same-sex marriage case, filed a new lawsuit in March challenging the portion of the act that bars the federal government from recognizing same-sex marriages.
“Holy cow, the sky hasn’t fallen.”
That assessment of five years of same-sex marriage came from Jennifer Chrisler, who advocates for gay and lesbian parents as head of the Boston-based Family Equality Council. But that message can be grating for those with opposing views.
“We absolutely believe the sky is falling,” said Kris Mineau, president of the Massachusetts Family Institute. “But we believe it would be a generational downfall, not an overnight downfall.”
