This year’s fall movie season is all over the map. Every map needs a legend. Here’s yours:

“Gamer”

Kable (Gerard Butler), a death row inmate, is forced to become a simulation in a violent online game created by reclusive billionaire Ken Castle, editor of Reclusive Billionaire magazine. The game, called “Slayers,” allows millions of bloodthirsty players to transform actual prisoners into something akin to “avatars,” a word I would use here if James Cameron didn’t hold the copyright on it. Castle resents Kable’s resilience and also the fact that Kable got the cool idea before he did to change the “C” in his last name to a “K.” Kable must use his extraordinary fighting skills to escape the game, bring down Castle, overthrow the system and avenge the death of Billy Mays. (Opened Friday)

“9”

Nine sentient rag dolls battle fearsome machines on a post-apocalyptic Earth where humans have been made extinct. Based on the children’s board book, “Raggedy Ann and Andy: Robot Hell.” (Opens Wednesday)

“Daybreakers”

Two-time Academy Award nominee Ethan Hawke plays vampire researcher Edward Dalton, a character that probably won’t earn him a third nomination. Still, the film has a fascinating premise involving a world of urbane and intelligent vampires who are comfortable with their lot in (after)life but not so comfortable with a looming food shortage of a singular kind. (Opens Friday)

“Whiteout”

Kate Beckinsale plays Carrie Stetko, a U.S. marshal who must track down a killer in Antarctica before the sun sets for six months or the West Antarctic Ice Sheet melts, whichever comes first. Beckinsale, who has worn skin-tight black rubber in her last six films, goes in a bold new artistic direction in this film: She wears skin-tight white rubber. (Opens Friday)

“Sorority Row”

A sorority prank gone wrong (as opposed to all those sorority pranks that go so very right) leads to a murder spree in this slasher film featuring Rumer Willis, Audrina Patridge and a bunch of other celebrities who couldn’t act their way out of a sorority prank gone wrong. It all starts with a practical joke, but no one is laughing after a girl in the prime of her life is treated like a steak in the prime of its USDA grade. The girls try to cover up the accidental death, but they are tormented by a mysterious someone who seems to know the truth. They try to use all the cunning and resourcefulness at their disposal to battle their unknown tormentor, but let’s face it: They’re pretty much pumping a dry well. (Opens Friday)

“Fame”

Students from all walks of life come to the New York City High School of Performing Arts to be worked so hard that they can barely walk. In this update of Alan Parker’s 1980 film about the school, young artists try to balance their outsized dreams with the stresses of attempting to excel in a highly competitive environment and the challenges of improvising impromptu musical numbers in the school cafeteria while trying not to slip on mashed corn dogs and tater tots. Each student comes to the school to apply his or her talent, dedication and work ethic to the goal of achieving lasting fame. In other words, students are taught how to use their admirable human qualities to achieve something superficial and shallow. This revamp has been updated to include coursework that prepares students for the possibility that they may one day have to join the cast of “I’m a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here!” (Opens Sept. 15)

“Jennifer’s Body”

When a demon takes possession of her, high school hottie Jennifer (Megan Fox) targets all the boys she had previously shunned, many of whom closely resemble Shia LaBeouf, Fox’s rumored current boyfriend. Jennifer’s nerdy friend, Needy (Amanda Seyfried) makes a personal vow: Either she will end the carnage or change her name to “Jennifer’s needy friend, Nerdy.” Needy’s investigation leads her to a Satanic rock band. This will mark the first time in history that a Satanic rock band proves to be as dangerous as it wants people to think it is. (Opens Sept. 18)

“Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs”

Inspired by Ron and Judi Barrett’s children’s book of the same name, “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs” concerns an inventor who thinks he has solved world hunger when he causes food to rain from the sky. Complications ensue. (Opens Sept. 18)

“Pandorum”

From the creators of the “Resident Evil” film franchise comes “Pandorum,” a terrifying thriller in which two astronauts awaken from hyper-sleep on an otherwise abandoned spacecraft and gradually surmise that their predicament is even more horrifying than they’d initially imagined: They are trapped in a movie from the creators of the “Resident Evil” film franchise. (Opens Sept. 18)

“Love Happens”

Not since “Hope Floats” has a romantic comedy been so scatologically named. Aaron Eckhart plays Dr. Burke Ryan, an expert on grieving whose life and career are turned upside-down when he realizes that “grieving” is just the present participle of the verb form of the noun “grief.” Ryan develops an attraction to Eloise Chandler (Jennifer Aniston), a woman who has sworn off long-term relationships and has decided to focus on her “floral business.” Incidentally, moviegoers who want to interpret the phrase “floral business” as a euphemism for “brief trysts with men half her age” are not prevented from doing so. (Opens Sept. 18)

“Bright Star”

In London in 1818, English poet John Keats entered into an affair with Fanny Brawne, an expert on fashion. Brawne is unimpressed by literature, and she tells Keats that one day people will care a lot more about fashion than literature. He doesn’t believe her. (Opens Sept. 18 in New York and Los Angeles)

“The Informant!”

Steven Soderbergh again brings us Matt Damon, this time as a whistle-blower who is as corrupt as his whistle blowees. (Opens Sept. 18)

“Surrogates”

A futuristic world in which aging and sickly people are allowed to live their lives through sexy and perpetually youthful robotic versions of themselves has begun to show signs of strain, and an FBI agent (Bruce Willis) must investigate. Contrary to rumors, the script is not based on something Demi Moore said in her sleep while married to Willis. (Opens Sept. 25)

“Zombieland”

A wacky Southerner named Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson) fights zombies in his quest to find the last Twinkie on Earth, which is just another way of saying that the “zombie comedy” genre is pretty much played out at this point. (Opens Oct. 2)

“Couples Retreat”

With their relationship in danger of dissipating, a couple in a race to salvage their marriage race against time and tides to a tropical resort designed to dissipate the dangers of dissipation. Vince Vaughn, Jason Bateman, Jon Favreau, Kristin Davis, Kristen Bell and Jean Reno star in this hilarious look at the real problems faced by all couples, especially couples who are likely to try to save their marriages by going to islands presided over by hulking bespectacled Frenchmen who have hangdog expressions on their faces. (Opens Oct. 9)

“Where the Wild Things Are”

Director Spike Jonze teamed up with writer Dave Eggers to make this long-awaited adaptation of Maurice Sendak’s “Where the Wild Things Are,” about a boy named Max who escapes to a world of monsters after he has been punished for misbehaving. (Opens Oct. 16)

“Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant”

The life of an average teenage boy (Chris Massoglia) irrevocably changes when he encounters a freak show with real ties to the supernatural. The comforts of his workaday world soon vanish, and he must choose between doom and destiny in a place marked by nightmares, dark passions and extremely poor personal hygiene. (Opens Oct. 16)

“Saw 6”

In this fifth sequel, Jigsaw’s line of succession has been stretched to such an extent that the man who inherits the late serial killer’s lethal mantle this time around is the guy who catered the lunches on the first film. (Opens Oct. 23)

“The Box”

Norma and Arthur Lewis are faced with a terrible dilemma when a mysterious box turns up at their door. If they press a certain button on the box, they will be granted riches, but someone unknown to them will die in the bargain. Even worse, if they push another button, the box will open to reveal a decorative gift tin containing a port wine cheeseball, a meat log made from unidentified wild game, a jar of ghost pepper jelly, a wheel of aluminum-wrapped spreadable cheese triangles, a block of Scandinavian salty licorice, a bag of Mostly Millet trail mix and bars of chocolate with lots of raisins in them. (Opens Nov. 6)

“A Christmas Carol”

Disney describes this 3-D computer-animated revamp of the oft-adapted holiday tale “A Christmas Carol” as “a multisensory thrill ride” which, oddly enough, was Charles Dickens’ original subtitle for his novella. Jim Carrey plays miser Ebenezer Scrooge and six additional characters including a new spirit, the Ghost of Truly Realistic-Looking Computer-Generated Humans Yet-to-Come. (Opens Nov. 6)

“The Fantastic Mr. Fox”

Director Wes Anderson gives animation a whirl in this adaptation of a children’s story from the acerbic Roald Dahl. George Clooney provides the voice of the titular character. (Opens Nov. 13)

“2012”

An academic researcher (John Cusack) leads a fight to thwart the apocalyptic events that were predicted by the ancient Mayan calendar, the one that had pictures of women in bikinis posing with power tools. (Opens Nov. 13)

“The Twilight Saga: New Moon”

After Bella recovers from the vampire attack that almost claimed her life, she looks forward to celebrating her birthday with Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) and the rest of the Cullen clan. Things go horribly awry, however, when Bella cuts her finger at the party and a peculiar thirst overcomes the vampires. As if that’s not bad enough, the mayonnaise in the potato salad has gone sour. Bella seeks solace and succor from a shape shifter named Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner), and she finds herself torn between the worlds of vampires and werewolves. Also, she can’t help but obsessively watch the trailers for this film and compare how each young man looks with his shirt off. Ultimately, she learns that vampires and werewolves are ancient enemies – not because Edward or Jacob tells her, but because she rents the “Underworld” series through Netflix. (Opens Nov. 20)

“Nine”

From the creative team behind the screen adaptation of “Chicago” comes a musical inspired by Federico Fellini’s “8 1/2 .” The plot concerns film director Guido Contini (Daniel Day-Lewis), a man beset by personal and professional problems, not the least of which is all the moviegoers who are going to come to this thing thinking it’s about sentient ragdolls fighting murderous machines in a post-apocalyptic landscape. (Opens Nov. 25)

“Ninja Assassin”

Raizo (Rain) is one of the deadliest assassins in the world. Snatched from the streets as a child, he was transformed into a professional killer by the Olestra Clan, a secret society that had to change its name to the Ozunu Clan after an unfortunate international potato chip scandal. The Ozunu Clan’s very existence is considered a myth, even by some of its own members – which, let’s face it, can be a little awkward at times.

But the moment Ozunu assassins kill Raizo’s best friend, their days are numbered. So ruthless and efficient is Raizo, that he numbers their days in binary. Raizo teams up with a Europol agent named Mika (Naomie Harris) who has also been targeted by the clan. Raizo and Mika knows the Clan will not rest until they are both eliminated, although under normal circumstances the Clan mandates a 45-minute midday nap to help boost memory and productivity.

The Clan used to brag about Raizo being “unstoppable killing machine.” Now it hopes the Clan’s marketing department was in buzz overkill mode when it created that tagline for Raizo, and the truth is that he was grossly over-hyped. (Opens Nov. 25)

“Old Dogs”

After they are given custody of 6-year-old twins, a cranky divorcée (Robin Williams) and a fun-loving bachelor (John Travolta) start to wonder why their lives have begun to resemble some unholy union of the scripts from “The Odd Couple” and “Three Men and a Baby.” They lack the perspective to understand that the truth about their predicament can be summed up in one word: Disney. (Opens Nov. 25)

“Up in the Air”

George Clooney plays a corporate-downsizing expert who suffers an air travel-related midlife crisis in this comedy from director Jason Reitman. (Opens Dec. 4)

“The Lovely Bones”

The spirit of a murdered girl plots her revenge from heaven in this adaptation of the book by Alice Sebold from director Peter Jackson (“The Lord of the Rings”). (Opens Dec. 11)

“Avatar”

A paraplegic ex-Marine war veteran (Sam Worthington) journeys in unconventional fashion to the planet Pandora. His mind in an alien’s body, the soldier begins to identify a bit too closely with the struggles of the races he has been sent to exploit. Director James Cameron returns after a 10-year hiatus with a movie that has so much hype surrounding it, it can scarcely make a single false move. (Opens Dec. 18)

“Sherlock Holmes”

Director Guy Ritchie gives Arthur Conan Doyle’s famous detective brawn and sex appeal to go with his legendary intellect in this revamp. Responding to Holmes fans who have objected to Ritchie’s interpolations, the director has responded that the movie isn’t as brazen as it would seem on the surface to be. The film’s title was shortened considerably because of problems in the poster design phase of post-production. The film was originally called “Sherlock Holmes: Player, Pimp, Gangster, Hustler, Mack Daddy and Super Deluxe Ultra Ninja.” (Opens Dec. 25)

spen@jg.net