You know what I really hate?
I hate it when stuff happens to celebrities and people (i.e.: media) begin immediately speculating on What Really Happened.
Welcome to my little corner of self-loathing, then.
Because, listen, this Tiger Woods accident deal is fishier than a can of Starkist. Especially now that Woods and his wife were no-shows for an alleged meeting with police.
Here's the official story: Police responded to a 911 call at Woods' residence at 2:25 a.m. Friday after he crashed his SUV into a fire hydrant and then a neighbor's tree backing out of his driveway. His wife, Elin, said she heard the crash and found Woods unconscious in the locked car. She smashed out the back window with a golf club (what else?) and hauled him out. Police say Woods was unconscious for about six minutes and also suffered cuts on his lips.
Here are the unanswered questions:
!. Where was he going in such a hurry, and why, at 2:25 in the morning?
2. What if any connection does this have to the fact that two days before, rumors about Woods and a New York nightclub hostess surfaced in the National Enquirer?
3 through 7. Why did his wife really smash the back window of his SUV with a golf club? Where did his cuts really come from? Why did he really crash into a fire hydrant and a tree? Why, if he hit them hard enough to knock himself out, did the airbags not deploy? And finally, and again, where was he going in such a hurry, and why, at 2:25 in the morning?
Inquiring minds want to know.