1. Listen to Ben Stein read "The Mill on the Floss."
2. Watch a python swallow Bear Grylls alive.
3. Watch Bear Grylls swallow a python alive.
4. Go drinking with Pat Robertson.
5. Attend a three-hour lecture on the history of sewer rates.
6. Buy something -- anything -- from Bernie Madoff.
7. Two words: Surf Antarctica!
8. Spend the night in a closet with the winner of the Great Chili Chowdown.
9. Eat an entire Haggis Lovers' Supreme from Pizza Hut in one sitting.
And last but not least:
10. Watch the NBA All-Star Game.