"Although I have heard people say I am not the prettiest dog they have ever seen, I hear them secretly whisper that I have an awesome personality!"Denali smelled. Badly.
I wish there was a nicer way to put it but there's not. At least when you lean down to hug your beloved pet and realize you don't want to be within 10 feet of his odor.
He was in dire need of a bath. However, bathing a 65-pound dog is no small undertaking. It requires planning, patience and pure strength.
Step No. 1: Find dog shampoo and plastic cup. Put near tub where you can reach it but the dog can't knock it over. The shampoo bottle can break and leak on the floor. I'm just sayin'.
Step No. 2: Fill the bathtub with about 3 inches of lukewarm water.
Step No. 3: Change into a bathing suit or minimal clothing because you will get wet. Very wet.
Step No. 4: Coerce the dog into the bathroom and quickly shut the door behind you. He already knows something is up when he's invited into the bathroom with you (as opposed to wandering in while you are taking a bath).
Step No. 5: Approach the dog from behind, grab him around his "waist" and toss him in the tub. He will try to escape but you must be strong. Getting in the tub may help, it may not. Putting the dog's snout between your knees may also be effective.
Step No. 6: Quickly get to work wetting down the dog, filling the cup with the water already in the tub. Repeat "Good boy" while doing this. If your dog is a Siberian husky with the thickest coat known to dog kind, this may take three days and a bajillion "good boys." Keep at it.
Step No. 7: Squirt dog shampoo down length of spine. Try to start massaging as quickly as possible as the dog might actually like this and not try to escape.
Step No. 8: Do not try to give your dog a faux hawk and take pictures while there is shampoo in his fur. He will not like it. He will bark. He will try to lick the shampoo out of his fur.
Step No. 9: Begin rinsing. This step takes even longer than Step No. 6. Be very thorough because if you miss a spot, say right behind his ear, you will not be able to get him back in the tub. You will have to rinse out the shampoo on the bathroom floor and have to clean up a sizable puddle.
Step No. 10: Do not bother trying to dry him off with a towel. It will not work. He will shake and shake and shake again. It does no good. Stand clear, let him run to the carpet and furiously clean himself. As if you didn't do a good enough job the first time.
Step No. 11: Pop a couple pain relievers for your already hurting back, sit on the couch and wonder whether a glass of wine would be that bad with the pain relievers.
Step No. 12: Smell your dog. It might be worth it.
Related
