When tragedy hits home, it often sends shock waves through an entire community. Just such a tragedy recently struck the West Noble community, which lost two of its own bright young teens. Many will experience raw grief from this heart-wrenching situation, and they are all in our thoughts and prayers.

At Erin’s House for Grieving Children, we know firsthand how death affects children and teens. Every day, our staff and volunteers work with children, teens and their families who have suffered the death of a loved one.

Perhaps a few guidelines based on our experience will be helpful to young people who are grieving and to friends and family who care for them.

When dealing with grieving teens, some basic needs must be considered. First, complete honesty is critical when talking to teens about death. Truthful disclosure in regard to the person who died, the circumstances of the death and how the death may affect the teens are all paramount. Hiding information causes confusion and mistrust.

When children and teens experience the death of a loved one, it causes them to think about mortality – their own and that of other loved ones. It can also bring back memories or feelings from a previous death.

Often they need assurance, which can be provided by maintaining balance in their lives. Reasonable, consistent boundaries help a teen feel safe and supported during this time of significant change.

When dealing with death, a teen often feels powerless and out of control. Providing a teenager with informed choices and accepting those decisions can also help him or her regain a sense of balance.

Keeping normal routines and patterns is helpful, too, because it fosters consistency and minimizes concerns about what happens next.

In a time of loss, teens look to the adults in their lives, often following their lead in how to grieve or mourn. Adults can model healthy ways to deal with grief: talking about the deceased, sharing special memories and expressing feelings, whether sadness, anger or even guilt. Turning to alcohol, drugs or choosing to not speak or display emotions are not healthy ways of dealing with grief.

We often forget that grief can also be devastating in a physical sense. Experiencing grief is exhausting, physically and emotionally; it can deplete your energy quickly. Remember to offer healthy and nutritious foods and encourage good rest. Healthy liquids are also vital – water hydrates and caffeine dehydrates.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and there is no time limit either. We all have our own natural ability to heal, but caring and acceptance go a long way in facilitating that process.

Grief can be private, but it can also be communal. It‘s important to respect the many different ways in which different people may grieve.

When helping someone during a time of great heartache, be kind, be considerate, be thoughtful – but most importantly, just be there.

More information about how to help a grieving child or teen may be found at www.erinshouse.org or by phone at 423-2466.