So here's the Reader's Digest condensed version of what Tiger Woods said in his first real news conference since it got out that the man was a serial horndog:
1. He said he was sorry for being such a disgusting human being.
2. He said, yes, he was treated by skeevy Canadian doctor/performance enhancing drugs pusher Anthony Galea, but denied HGH or any other PEDs were involved.
3. He promised, in so many words, to stop being a jackass to the fans/his equipment/the accepted decorum of his sport.
4. He said being a better person who meditated every day and was a real father/husband was more important than winning championships.
5. He said he was "thrilled" by the reception he got from the fans, which was apparently awkward silence at first followed by tentative applause and shouts of encouragement as his practice round went on.
5. He said he was sorry for being such a disgusting human being.