I've seen some pathetic things in my time: Tonya Harding boxing, President Obama throwing a baseball, Robby Benson playing basketball in "One-on-One."
This might beat 'em all, though: The financially-strapped, desperate- to-create-a-buzz (any buzz will do) Florida Marlins are putting unsold tickets on sale from the night the Phillies' Roy Halladay pitched a perfect game against the Fish.
Yes, that's right, Marlin fan, er, fans. For face value, you, too, can own a ticket to Halladay's perfecto, even though you weren't there.
Why, the sentimental value alone will be incalculable ("incalcuable," in this case, meaning "not worth a plug nickel"). Years from now, you'll be able to pull it out and regale your friends with tales of the night you saw (wink, wink) Halladay make history. No, really, you did! And you've got the ticket to prove it!
It's the lie that keeps on lying. And I don't know how you can possibly put a price tag on that.