Philadelphia fans, come on down!
First you boo Santa Claus.
Then you become the only NFL fans in America to have your own in-stadium jail.
And already this baseball season, one of your brethren has distinguished himself by vomiting on a kid, and the Philly cops (the only police force in America to bomb one of its own neighborhoods from the air, naturally) Tase another goofball for the unpardonable sin of doing what goofballs do occasionally, which is leap onto the field and run around like either a chicken with his head cut off or a typical Philly fan.
(One being indistinguishable from the other, of course).
Now comes the latest -- a grainy video that apparently shows some toddler taking a swig out of a beer bottle at a Phillies game.
Sample headline: "And A Little Child Shall Lead Them In a Chorus of 'Yer a (bleep), Hamelsh, ya (bleepin'-bleepy-bleep). Wheresh (hic) my beer?'"
Alternative sample headline: "Philadelphians Celebrate National Take-A-Kid-To-A-Ballgame Day."
Second runnerup sample headline: "Young Fan Introduced To Joys Of Boozy Self-Loathing."