Q. I work in information systems and have average technical skills. I was recently promoted to a high-paying position and told my interpersonal skills were the deciding factor. Since then co-workers with higher technical skills are resentful. Do I ignore this or address it?
A. Most people cannot admit or deal with envy. It leaves us with a hollow feeling that we are smaller and inadequate. Most people cannot tolerate feeling inadequate, so they get mad and belittle or avoid the person. Promotions used to be based on technical skills, but the business world is recognizing that people skills are desperately needed.
Realize your co-workers are probably confused about why you were promoted. When people are envious they want what you have, but how they react depends on whether they believe they can get it for themselves or believe that such wishes are hopeless. If a co-worker believes he cannot achieve what you have achieved, his only goal will be to destroy or devalue your success. You will not be able to talk to co-workers who feel this way because you cannot force them to see that they have any power or options.
Be aware that we live in a culture that often encourages or rewards people who believe they are victims. People who are good at making others feel sorry for them often get breaks, money or opportunities that people who merely work hard and well are not offered. Psychologically, some co-workers may prefer to believe they are “victims” of an unfair organization than to use their frustration to look for another job, work smarter or take any risks to go after what you have and they want.
If you want to reduce the amount of envy about your promotion, approach only the co-workers who think they can be promoted. Say something like: “I don’t know how you feel about my promotion, but if I were you I’d expect these decisions should be made on technical skills. I know our boss knows your technical skills are superior to mine. The boss told me this decision was made on communication skills. I want to continue to work well with you. Is there anything you want to ask me about the promotion?” Your obvious humility will serve you well in repairing bridges among your jealous co-workers. If the open hostility of other co-workers impairs your job, address the behavior not your promotion. The unresolved envy of co-workers can significantly hamper your enjoyment and success at work. Prove your boss’s judgment right about your advanced interpersonal skills and look forward to the support of your co-workers.
The last word(s)
Q. Someone I like at work is mad because I helped her with a project. She thinks I helped her because she’s stupid. How do I clear this up?
A. Acknowledge her concern, apologize for hurting her, and state your intention. Realize that people respond to their interpretation of your behavior, not your actual intention.
