Q. I’ve worked for companies for the last 35 years and find myself looking at more and more co-workers who are entitled whiners.
As we celebrate another Fourth of July, I wonder if we had to face true national hardship whether we’d pull together or apart. Since you work within many companies nationally, I was wondering do you still think we’re the home of the brave?
A. Yes, I still think we are the home of the brave. I agree with you that we also are the home of many people who can behave like entitled whiners. I believe what you are observing in your co-workers is a diminishing interest in being accountable for their circumstances.
In my corporate classes I teach that we have two choices in the workplace: We can be victims who blame what happens to us on other people and our surroundings. The benefit is we don’t have to change, do anything that scares us, or notice mistakes we make. The downside is we have to be miserable.
Or we can take responsibility for our circumstance. The benefit is we make more money, have more fun and find solutions to our problems. The downside is we will feel uncomfortable when we see the way we contribute to our problems. I can teach people communication skills, but only the people who decide to take responsibility get the maximum benefit from using those tools.
Let’s say you work for a jerk (a common problem). Many people would complain about the boss. Many people would spend a lot of time thinking about how unfair it is that they have a jerk for a boss. Only a few would spend time thinking about how they handle their boss and changing their behavior.
When a new client comes to see me about a workplace issue, I always start by validating the client’s suffering. But, my next question is, “How are you reacting and what are you doing in this situation?” I usually point out that courage is like a muscle – you either use it or lose it.
In a long career, we will all experience a truckload of unfair circumstances. If we spend all our time and energy railing against an unfair universe, we can guarantee a career filled with suffering. The path not often traveled in the workplace is to use our suffering like an unavoidable classroom.
The reason I still believe we are the home of the brave is I have the privilege every week of watching and assisting people who have the courage to be responsible for their work lives – people who acknowledge when work is miserable and then ask, “What can I do to change what is happening?”
The brave can’t prevent economic downturns or terrorist attacks on centers of commerce or unemployment. But the brave will always find a way to swim when all around them are drowning.
The Last Word(s)
Q. I’d like to go into work that is more independent so I don’t have to put up with people problems. Ideas?
A. Yes, a cave in the Himalayas. Otherwise, learn people skills!
