Every few nights, Wonder Woman – who seems normal in every way except that she is really dumb – experiences the night crazies. She tears through the house, jumping out at us until we accidentally step on her and then yowling like a contestant on “American Idol.” She crawls underneath the rug and tries to claw her way out. She jumps on the back of the couch and gets that 50-yard stare, as though she’s remembering her tour in Da Nang.
As a new cat owner, this Jekyll and Hyde behavior concerns me. When I was a kid, an urban legend made the rounds in our neighborhood about cats who “suck your breath out” while you’re sleeping. So, every time Wonder Woman tries sharpening her claws on the ceiling, I naturally assume she’s gearing up to kill me in my sleep some night soon.
The night crazies, I assume, are perfectly normal for an animal descended from pumas or other nocturnal hunters. It’s still creepy though. As I walk from the kitchen to the couch (and then back to the kitchen and, again, to the couch … this goes on all night, by the way), it’s safe to assume my cat is actively hunting me. It’s like “The Omen.” Wonder Woman is looking at me and picturing a giant roast turkey in yoga pants.
So here’s the question of the week: Do all cats do this? Or does Wonder Woman want me dead?