When you came into the world, your physical needs were readily apparent to everyone around you.

In your helpless state as an infant, you needed someone to carry you, feed you, clothe you, clean you and protect you.

You were totally dependent on others; your very survival depended on it.

There was another need that was just as vital: You needed someone to welcome you with open arms. You needed to feel wanted – not just slightly, but immeasurably.

To be wanted and cherished falls in the category of emotional needs.

Sadly, studies show that parents are more aware of the physical needs of their children than they are of their emotional needs.

Along with feeling wanted, children need to feel loved unconditionally – accepted even with their faults and shortcomings.

When feeling hurt, weak or vulnerable, they need to be supported, soothed and reassured. They need encouragement for their attempts and achievements.

Unfortunately, many parents function as wardens of the household, making a habit of catching their children doing wrong, instead of doing right. These parents fail to build their child’s confidence, self-esteem and self-worth.

I tell parents to point out when their child gets things right or is helpful: “Hey, I noticed you put the milk away.” “You remembered to pick up your clothes ... wonderful!” “You made your curfew.” “I can tell you’re trying.”

Kyla, a teenager, received one C on her report card; all the rest were A’s and B’s. Her mom focused on the C.

“She didn’t even mention the good grades – how well I did,” Kyla said in frustration.

The single comment to her daughter: “You’ve got to bring that grade up.”

Children need to sense that their parents believe in them.

They need to feel secure – knowing they’ll never be abandoned emotionally.

Many parents hold grudges or withdraw their love when their child disappoints them. Such parents don’t seem to know or remember how painful that can be.

For that reason, I urge parents to remember incidences of being rejected by their own parents.

Respectful treatment is also essential for a child’s well-being.

I counsel many teens, and I’m alarmed at how often they’re subjected to insults or undermining comments. At times, the parent’s actions and words mirrors the worst behavior on a playground.

If Caleb, 13, mentions that he has a headache, his father will bop him on the head and sarcastically say: “You’ve got a headache? I’ll show you a headache!”

Weight-related insults are something I hear frequently.

One mother told her daughter to walk the dog: “It would do you good because you could lose a roll or two.”

Those words may echo in her daughter’s mind for years to come.

Teens tell me stories of the humiliation of being insulted in front of their peers.

Name-calling is something else that causes them anguish: “You’re stupid,” “You’re selfish,” “You’re a baby,” “You’re psychotic,” “You’re irresponsible,” “You’re a whore,” “You’re lazy.”

Do such insults really motivate? Do they motivate us?

Children need their parents to be sensitive to their pain – to have it matter. They need to feel listened to and understood. They need for a parent to say, “I’m sorry,” and to really mean it.

Just as parents become discouraged when children keep repeating the same distressing behaviors, so do children when their parents apologize but nothing changes.

Children need their opinions to be sought after and valued. They need to know that their side of a story is seriously considered.

Children need a solid connection with a parental figure – preferably two parents. Teenagers are no exception.

Yes, even in this world of iPods, YouTube and video games, they need for their parents to be involved and interested in their lives.

Emily, 15, tearfully told me how much she had been looking forward to a shopping trip with her mother. Not for the clothes they ended up buying, but for the opportunity of sharing, “and just having a good time together,” she said. “I kept trying to have conversations with my mom, but her mind was some place else.”

Boys yearn for the same kind of connection with their dads. In our sessions, many boys express their sadness over broken promises, missed games and the frequency of comments like: “Don’t bother me. Don’t you see that I’m busy!”

Some teens have more of an attachment with their pets than they do with their parents.

How can a parent make their children feel wanted and cherished?

One teen put it perfectly. “When a parent comes home from work and they’re enthusiastic to see you, it’s the most wonderful feeling in the world!”