Ohio State president Gordon Gee and athletic director Gene Smith must hit their knees every night to thank God for his benevolence. He might have given them Jim Tressel, but he also gave them Sepp Blatter.
No fresh outrage that comes to light about OSU's football program, after all, will ever seem heinous as long as Blatter is around to keep the bar for truly heinous behavior raised so high it's been cleared for a dozen orbits.
Blatter, for the soccer illiterate (i.e., 99.9 percent of all Blobophiles), is the president of FIFA, international soccer's ruling body. Just recently, here is what FIFA has done:
1. Award the 2022 World Cup to a sandbox under a heat lamp (Qatar), because said sandbox has, um, a lot of money to spread around. And apparently did so, wink-wink.
2. Re-up Blatter in a fiercely contested election in which voters chose from among A) Sepp Blatter, B) Sepp Blatter, and C) Sepp Blatter.
3. Last but not least, there is this.
Yeah, boy. Nothing says "moral high ground" like Henry Kissinger, Nixon's evil genie, right-hand henchman to the Henchman In Chief.
Naming him to the committee assigned to clean up FIFA's rampant corruption is like ... well, it's like naming Henry Kissinger to a committee assigned to clean up FIFA's rampant corruption.
Behold that rarest of phenomena: Something that's its own metaphor.