In the Good Old Days, when children reached puberty, it was time for parents to have The Talk about the birds and the bees. Nowadays, it also may be time to talk about the E's and C's – exercise and calories.

With 25 million American children and teens overweight and obese, we asked experts how to broach the matter to increase the chance the communication gets through.

Pick up on cues. Your child probably doesn't need to be told he or she is overweight. If he or she brings it up – say, complaining of being teased – "that's an opportunity to talk about it and come up with a plan to take charge of it," says Kristy Trumbo, a registered and certified dietitian with Lutheran Hospital's Weight Management Center.

Ask how you can help. Maybe you think removing soda from the house is harsh, but your child thinks it's a great idea. Run with it, Trumbo says.

Start a family project. Being overweight often runs in families, Parkview Hospital dietitian Julia Just says. You can deflect attention from the teen by saying you've resolved that you/the other parent/the dog needs to get more exercise and will need everyone's support.

Stress health, not weight. Instead of talking about being "thin," talk about increasing endurance, preventing heart disease or diabetes, building muscle or making better food choices, Just says.

Stay in neutral. Try for a comfortable time and place and come up with neutral language – "I've noticed" as opposed to "You need to" or "You're doing this wrong." If a teen feels nagged, blamed or attacked, ears plug, says Sarah Stone, co-director of MindStream Academy for overweight tweens and teens in South Carolina.

Stress fun. It's not all about sacrifice, Trumbo says. Try ice skating, cooking together one night a week or competing to beat each other's steps on pedometers.

Expect resistance. Stay calm. Then enlist backup. Use a medical pro to give info about the child's weight compared to others his or her own age, disease risks or diet and exercise options, Just says.

Don't give up. Even if your teen doesn't take to the talk, walk the walk, Trumbo says. You as a role model may influence him or her someday.

rsalter@jg.net