Welcome, everyone, to the Sunday Before The Super Bowl, aka I Think This Would Be An Excellent Time To Sort My Junk Mail.
Really, the Sunday before the Super Bowl is the lousiest sports day of the year. I mean, you can't even watch NASCAR yet.
So here are your choices, in no particular order:
1. The NHL All-Star Game.
If it goes according to form, 937 goals will be scored and all the goalies will be hospitalized with post-traumatic stress syndrome. It isn't hockey, but what else are you going to watch?
(And no fair picking "Staring at a blank wall.")
2. The NFL Pro Bowl.
Sixty riveting minutes of groin-pull avoidance. Seriously, does anybody watch the Pro Bowl? Besides the 40-year-old guy who lives in his Mom's basement and plans his ample vacation time around Star Trek conventions?
3. "Law & Order: SVU." Can't get enough Mariska Hargitay.
4. "Law & Order." Or (choose one) Elisabeth Rohm, Jill Hennessy, Carey Lowell, Angie Harmon.
5. "Law & Order: Criminal Intent." Because watching Vincent D'Onofrio blimp up from season to season is your best dieting tool.
6 through 8. "Law & Order: Misdemeanor Intent"; " Law & Order: The One We Intended To Make After Criminal Intent"; "Law & Order: We Just Thought We'd Make This One To Prove You'll Watch Anything With 'Law & Order' In The Title."
9. "Yes, Dear."
On second thought, scratch that last one. Nobody's going to watch that.