The best of recent jokes by late-night comedians:
Welcome, lotto losers. Remember, you’re not just losers. You’re mega-losers! If it makes you feel any better, the odds of winning were 176 million to 1 – about the same odds the Supreme Court will pass Obamacare.
First Lady Michelle Obama will appear on The Biggest Loser’ and will bring the overweight contestants to the East Room for a workout. You get the feeling that’s about the only way Newt Gingrich is ever going to get in the White House?
Three people have won the Mega Millions lottery. You know what that means – three more votes for Mitt Romney.
Newt Gingrich said that Mitt Romney has no principles. In other words, he has given Romney his official endorsement.
This week the Supreme Court heard all the arguments about health care. The mood in Washington very tense. Angry, incoherent tea party protesters were everywhere, including the five on the Supreme Court.
We learned this week that Mitt Romney is building a car elevator in his house. An elevator for your cars. I get the feeling this guy wants to be president so he has a place to live while he’s remodeling his beach house.
Seems Mitt Romney is going to get the nomination. That brings to mind the question of why we still have the other candidates. Rick Santorum wants to keep raising awareness for conservative issues. Newt Gingrich wants to stay in the public eye and sell more books. And Ron Paul doesn’t want to return to his old life of panning for gold.
Newt Gingrich is down to 12 staffers. The guy has more chins than that.