The best of recent jokes by late-night comedians:
Its a very proud night for myself and my family and my staff and my friends. I received a Kennedy Center Honor. And today the Republicans are trying to block it.
Im worried about the fiscal cliff in the same way Im worried about Martians. Every now and then I look for them, but I dont know what Ill do when I see them.
The Obamas have decorated the White House with 54 Christmas trees. Its all part of their For the last time, were not Muslim campaign.
President Obama had lunch with Mitt Romney. There was an awkward moment when Romney looked around and said, So how much do you want for the place?
President Clinton and President Obama played a round of golf over the weekend. President Clinton asked Obama what his handicap was, and Obama said, Joe Biden.
Are you sick and tired of hearing the term fiscal cliff? People dont understand it. It doesnt tell you how serious the situation is. They need more colorful metaphors. Heres how to explain it: Its 4 a.m. for our economy and Lindsay Lohan is behind the wheel. That says danger. People understand that.
Today it was confirmed that Prince William and Kate Middleton are expecting their first baby. You can tell the babys a member of the royal family, because Kate said she can already feel it waving.
Friends of Mitt Romney are saying that hes bored now that hes no longer running for president – though not as bored as the rest of us were when he was running for president.