Cross my heart, we’re not making this up, even though it flies in the face of conventional wisdom, anatomical reality and the billions of dollars raked in last year by Victoria’s Secret:Party etiquette: Mostly what not to do.
•Don’t show up toting stilettos in a shopping bag and wearing shoes you have to change out of. It’s tacky.
•Only the host may wear slipper socks.
•Don’t refresh your lipstick upon arriving, because chances are that if it’s fresh, it’s going to stick to your teeth or the face of the guest with whom you are kissy-kissy.
•In the interests of adventure, feh to those little signs that identify the ingredients in food.
•If you insist on them, however, you might as well make the guests themselves wear labels: “Hi, I’m Boring,” “Full of Myself,” “Don’t Bother to Make Conversation, I’m Stoned/Drunk.”
•While preparing for the party, the host may demonstrate self-respect by putting aside for him or herself the heel of the bread, the wing of the turkey or even all the bittersweet selections in a box of chocolates. This should not be done, however, under watchful eyes of guests.
•And while the subject is chocolate, if you happened to choose a jelly-filled piece, eat it anyway. The whole thing, gulpable in one swallow.
