David Letterman“We put up with the IRS. They weasel you and take your hard-earned money. They’ve been taking their tax dollars and throwing themselves lavish parties.The best of recent jokes by late-night comedians:
David Letterman
“Secretary of State Hillary Clinton collapsed, passed out, banged her head, got a concussion. She is listed as questionable for Sunday’s game against the Ravens.”
“For the next six weeks Hillary will be in an orthopedic pantsuit.”
Jimmy Fallon
“There’s a photo going around with President Obama playing with a staffer’s son who’s dressed as Spider-Man. Obama was like, ‘Shouldn’t you be fighting the Green Goblin?’ And the kid was like, ‘Shouldn’t you be working on the fiscal cliff?’ ”
“The kid was really excited to meet the president, while Joe Biden was real excited to meet Spider-Man.”
Jay Leno
“A 2009 Ford F-150 pickup truck, once owned by President George W. Bush, is going up for auction in a couple of weeks. All the proceeds will go to military families.
"President Obama should buy this truck because when something goes wrong he can blame it on Bush.”
“Sources told ABC News today that Defense Department official Michael Vickers gave sensitive inside information about the capture of Osama bin Laden to the producers of the movie ‘Zero Dark Thirty.’ It’s also being reported that John McCain gave firsthand inside information to the film ‘Lincoln.’ ”
Craig Ferguson
“ ‘The Hobbit’ opens today. It’s going to make a ton of money this weekend. It will make more money than Mitt Romney spent losing the election.”
“New Jersey became a state on this day in 1787. New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie celebrated with a giant cake and a bucket of ice cream – then he remembered today was New Jersey’s birthday.”
