We've all heard wild stories about 911 abuse -- how about the guy who called because McDonald's was out of Chicken McNuggets? -- but this one probably wins the prize.
We like to think we're fanatical about our NFL teams on this side of the pond, but, really? Calling the British version of 911 to report a "crime" because of a red card that took Manchester United out of a big match with Real Madrid?
And how very British was the restrained response of the local police inspector?
"While this recent example may be amusing, it illustrates the sort of insincere calls we have to deal with on a daily basis in the control room," said chief inspector Ted Antill of the Nottinghamshire police. "They waste our time and they direct us away from genuine victims of crime, particularly if we dispatch officers out to something that turns out to be a bogus report.
"I would ask people to think before picking up the phone for emergency services. I would also advise parents to ensure your children are aware that prank calls and the reporting of made-up crimes is a crime in itself."
All that was missing was the "We humbly beseech you."