And now the latest installment of the faintly acclaimed Blob feature, The NFL In So Many Words:
1. Essay question of the week: Peyton Manning, human or cyborg? Discuss.
2. Carolina 38, Imitation Football Team With New York Giants Flavoring Added 0.
3. Giants coach Tom Coughlin: "At least we're not the Jaguars."
4. Jaguars coach Gus Bradley: "At least we're not the Giants."
5. Raise your hand if you'd like to ask Mr. Pagano a question. Yes, Jimmy Harbaugh. Mr. Pagano, Jimmy would like to know how you did that to his football team.
6. The Chiefs are 3-0. The Steelers are 0-3. Someone named Brian Hoyer just passed for 300 yards. We now return you to your regularly scheduled alternate reality.
7. Speaking of which ... the Patriots are 3-0, and Tom Brady is throwing to Who's That and What Was Your Name Again. Just wait 'til he gets Hey, You and Hey, Tall Guy back.
8. Psst. Didn't you used to be Chip Kelly?
9. And what happened to your pal, the Offense of the Future?
And last but not least ...
10. RGIII Throws 50 Times, Jock Radio Says He's Not Running Enough. Film at 11.