You choose, we deliver
If you are interested in this story, you might be interested in others from The Journal Gazette. Go to and pick the subjects you care most about. We'll deliver your customized daily news report at 3 a.m. Fort Wayne time, right to your email.


  • Parents delaying kindergarten
    No longer is young Audrey Fraser content to play in her backyard with her 2-year-old sister and her mother. That might have been the case last summer, but not anymore.
  • Voices from the Civil War
    Civil War Gen. William Tecumseh Sherman once said, “War is hell.” Spencerville author and historical researcher Margaret Hobson says that was perhaps never more true than during that ...
  • DIY kits making it easier to be crafty
    Oh, Pinterest, you well-organized and time-stealing friend. Unlike our other social media loves, you make us feel productive. You say, “This is what your life can look like! Just go out there and Do It Yourself.

Talking better than a timeout

Many parents use timeouts to deal with undesirable behavior in children younger than 5. It goes like this: Child breaks rule. Parent puts child in an isolated location (the naughty chair) and ignores him for one minute per year of age, while the child considers his behavior.

When time’s up on the timeout, parent and child discuss the problem behavior, hug and move on.

Sounds simple, right? Too bad experts say it doesn’t really work.

“You’re sending the kid into a room, and the message is, ‘I don’t approve of who you are in this moment when you made a mistake, so I want you away from me,’ ” said Vicki Hoefle, the author of “Duct Tape Parenting.”

It’s far better, Hoefle said, to talk to your child about her behavior in the moment than to banish her and her feel guilty.

“You’re missing an opportunity to sit down and say to your kids, ‘How well did that work for you?’ ” Hoefle said. “That self-assessment is far more important to a kid’s mental and emotional health than a prescribed when-you-break-rules-get-sent-away.”

Young children also are not developmentally able to contemplate what they have done wrong, said Meghan Leahy, a mother of three and parenting coach in Washington, so the time in isolation is wasted.

And older preschoolers, in particular, are unwilling to sit in timeout of any sort, she said.

“They get up and now here you are, a grown woman chasing a 4-year-old around the house, grabbing her and forcing her on to a step,” Leahy said. “Whatever infraction garnered the punishment is forgotten and now you’re in a full physical struggle to learn a lesson that they’re not cognitively able to learn.”