And now this week's edition of the numbingly recurring Blob feature, The NFL In So Many Words:
1. Down does Cutler! Down goes Cutler!
2. Now appearing in the role of "Professional Football Team," the "Minnesota Vikings."
3. Down goes Bradford! Down goes Bradford!
4. "The scrambled fighters were ordered to stand down when it was determined the unidentified object violating restricted airspace was a Josh Freeman overthrow that originated in the Meadowlands."
5. Down goes Cushing! Down goes Cushing!
6. Hey, anyone seen Chip Kelly?
7. Oh, there he is, drawing up his latest innovative offense, "Field Goal Left."
8. Down goes Reggie Wayne. And Lance Briggs. And Jermichael Finley. And Nick Foles. And now here's NFL commissioner Roger Goodell with another statement about the league's commitment to player safety.
9. "League officials were ordered to stand down when it was determined that Leslie Frazier was, in fact, the coach of the 'Minnesota Vikings,' (a 'professional football team'), and that he did in fact have a 'game plan' and wasn't just making it all up so he could stand on the sidelines during an NFL game."
And last but not least ...
10. "League officials were also ordered to stand down when it was determined that the 'NFC East' was, in fact, an actual NFL division and not an elaborate hoax designed to fool gullible fantasy football owners."