You choose, we deliver
If you are interested in this story, you might be interested in others from The Journal Gazette. Go to www.journalgazette.net/newsletter and pick the subjects you care most about. We'll deliver your customized daily news report at 3 a.m. Fort Wayne time, right to your email.

Editorial columns

  • Even great powers cowed by deaths of innocents
    Modern low-intensity conflicts are won and lost on their ragged edges. Nations act as though the careful plans of their militaries and intelligence operations can harness the chaos of combat and guide it to advance their interests.
  • Merkel the model for female leadership
    Would women be better than men at running the world? There’s a case to be made on the example of Angela Merkel, currently the longest-serving – and most popular – leader of a Group of Seven country.
  • Making your marketing, socially
    When the Fort Wayne TinCaps printed the names of their then-6,000 Twitter followers on a special jersey in 2013, they got national praise. ESPN’s official Twitter account said:
Advertisement

Late-night laughs

Conan O’Brien

“Obamacare is still struggling to get off the ground. Experts now say the success or failure of Obamacare will depend on whether young people sign up. Which is why as of today it covers medical marijuana.”

“For two decades, the secret launch code for America’s nuclear missiles was 0000000000. Even more amazing, George W. Bush forgot it twice.”

“According to a new report, America’s teenagers are 30th in the world in math. Luckily, America’s teenagers will never understand the report because they’re 85th in reading.”

“A federal judge has ruled that President Obama’s Kenyan uncle may remain in the United Sates. The judge also ruled that President Obama’s Kenyan uncle is an amazing name for a band.”

Jimmy Fallon

“Last week a man was locked in an airplane for several hours after he fell asleep during a flight and nobody woke him up when it landed. But other than that, Joe Biden had a great trip to Asia.”

“New documents leaked by Edward Snowden show that the NSA actually spied on people while they played the video game World of Warcraft. I don’t know – to me it sounds like some NSA agents had to think quick when they got caught playing World of Warcraft at work.”

Jimmy Kimmel

“The NSA collects almost 5 billion records a day that can pinpoint a cellphone anywhere, track its movements, and map the personal relationships of the person using it. I’ll tell you what this means. You know the crazy people that wear the tinfoil hats because they think the government is tracking them? Turns out they were right.”

“Gang members were caught on wiretaps saying they have photos of Rob Ford doing heroin, which is weird because I thought he had an exclusive deal with crack.”

Craig Ferguson

“A list of the most corrupt countries in the world was put together by a group called Transparency International. There’s no real surprises. For coming in at No. 1, Kim Jong Un will receive economic sanctions from the U.N. and dinner for two at a great restaurant.”

Advertisement