Pope Francis has been named Time magazine’s Person of the Year. Also congratulations to Big Bang Theory’s’ Jim Parsons. He was named Parsons of the Year. Also congratulations to Iranian President Hasan Rouhani. He was named Persian of the Year. And for the third year in a row, congratulations to cyanide, Poison of the Year.
Fox News host Megyn Kelly now says she was just kidding when she said Santa Claus is white. However, she’s standing by her statement that the Grinch who stole Christmas, definitely Jewish.
In a speech, Russian president Vladimir Putin slammed the U.S. for being genderless and infertile.’ My question is: How did Vladimir Putin get his hands on my Match.com profile?
An entrepreneur has made a device that can prevent the NSA from spying on you by blocking your laptop’s camera. This new high-tech device is called a small piece of tape.
Alabama kicker Cade Foster had a tough time in the Iron Bowl, missing three field goals against Auburn. A lot of people blamed him for losing the game. Former President George W. Bush actually sent him a note to offer his support. The guy had such bad aim, you’d think he’d get a note from Dick Cheney.
Over the weekend, China became the third nation to land on the moon. This morning NASA issued a statement: Sending stuff to the moon is so 1960s. Call us when you get to Mars.’
George Zimmerman is auctioning an original painting for $100,000. $100,000? Man, this guy is getting away with murder.
The U.S. Post Office announced that today is the busiest shipping day of the year. 600 million packages were shipped today, and as many as 500,000 of those will actually be delivered.–