And now a special Christmas edition of the by now exquisitely abandoned Blob feature, The NFL In So Many Words:
1. Wow, a 54-11 loss in a must-win game! Thanks, Bears! (Signed) The Green Bay Packers.
2. A 23-7 loss, at home, to the Colts, to hand the division title to us? You shouldn't have, Chiefs. (Signed) The Denver Broncos.
3. Oh, and thanks for being the Texans, Texans. (Signed) The Denver Broncos, again.
4. And while we're on the subject ... 51 touchdown passes to break my record, Peyton Manning? Thanks for the coal, jerko. (Signed) Tom Brady.
5.Gee, thanks, Ravens, for laying down for the Patriots. Why couldn't you have done that for us? Were we really that naughty this year? (Signed) The Detroit Lions.
6. Gee, thanks, Lions, for the five blown fourth-quarter leads in the last six games, the last to the stinkhole Giants. Were we really that naughty this year? (Signed) Fans of the Detroit Lions.
7. Here ya go, Tony Romo. In the wake of a 13th game-winning drive in a must-win game for the Cowboys, have a season-ending back injury! Merry Christmas! (Signed) The Anti-Santa Claus.
8. You mean I still have my job for one more week? Greatest gift EVER! (Signed) Mike Shanahan.
9. Thanks, NFL, for the NFC North and the NFC East. You've made irrelevance chic again! (Signed) The NFC North champion Duluth Eskimos and the NFC East champion Pottsville Maroons.
And last but not least ...
10. Thanks, Santa, for that whole he-knows-when-you've-been- sleeping, he-knows-when-you're-awake thing. It's given me some great ideas! (Signed) Bill Belichick