Let’s talk about March Madness. It starts out with 68. Then it goes to 32. And then it drops to 16. You know what it’s like? It’s like President Obama’s approval rating.
In March Madness, when No. 3 Syracuse was eliminated, I heard people say the Orange had been eliminated. They said the Orange and the first thing I thought was something happened to Speaker John Boehner.
It’s not every night that we get a great audience. Last night, we had an ugly crowd. Halfway through the show, they voted to join Russia.
Google announced last night that it will launch a new security feature to make it harder for situations like the NSA spying program to happen in the future. Then they went back to driving around and taking pictures of the street you live on.
Tomorrow, Russia will fly an American astronaut to the International Space Station. And you thought driving someone home after a breakup was awkward.
Today President Obama was in the Netherlands for a nuclear summit with 50 other world leaders. Putin didn’t even attend. He sent his foreign minister in his place. He said he doesn’t want to visit any country he can’t keep.
President Obama has convinced the leaders of the world’s biggest economies to move the G-8 summit out of Russia this summer and meet in Brussels instead. Then Vladimir Putin said, All good. By summer, Brussels will be part of Russia.’
Intelligence officials say they had a hard time predicting Russia’s invasion because Vladimir Putin doesn’t own a cellphone or use the Internet due to fear of being tracked.
You can tell Putin doesn’t spend much time online. When he says LOL,’ he means Look out, Latvia.’
It’s Harry Houdini’s birthday. Harry Houdini was an illusionist. But he was also the president of the Society of American Magicians. He was a popular president. For a while, anyway – until he passed HoudiniCare.
March Madness brackets are like children. Nobody wants to hear about yours.
The first lady is in China. During her trip, Michelle Obama fed panda bears.
Like most people the first lady feeds, the bears politely ate the bamboo and then had a cheeseburger the minute she left.
In a speech, Pope Francis criticized the Mafia and urged its members to repent. Which is why now every morning the Pope makes his assistant start the Popemobile.