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Editorial columns

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Late night humor

Ford

David Letterman

“Happy birthday to Ed Lowe, the man who invented Kitty Litter. Here’s what I admire about Ed Lowe. Here was a guy who was thinking inside the box.”

“The oldest living person in the United States is 116 years old. She’s so old her first pet is extinct.”

Jimmy Kimmell

“In Iran there’s a TV show, a sitcom – it’s weird that they even have a sitcom. But it’s a rip-off of ‘Modern Family.’ They use Iranian actors and make shot-for-shot re-creations with the same plots and jokes.

“ But their ‘Modern Family’ has no gay characters. The most modern family on Iranian TV up to this point is the Flintstones.”

Seth Meyers

“Last week the U.S. was eliminated by Belgium at the World Cup. And next week Belgium will be eliminated by drones.”

“A new rumor has surfaced that the next iPhone will feature an all-glass exterior. Because why should just the front be cracked?”

“This summer New Yorkers will be able to order delivery food to sunbathing spots in Central Park. Although if you have to order delivery to the place where you’re sunbathing, you probably shouldn’t be sunbathing.”

“According to a new report from BP, the earth will run out of oil in 53 years. Luckily, thanks to BP, the ocean will still have plenty.”

Jimmy Fallon

“Yesterday, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford attended his first city council meeting since he got back from rehab. He said, ‘It’s great to be back, but man, these things are boring when you’re sober.’ ”

“There was a huge blowout at the World Cup yesterday when Germany beat Brazil 7-1 in the semifinals. It got so bad that the refs told Brazil, ‘You know what? Go ahead and use your hands.’ ”

“Congrats to LeBron James, who just announced that he and his wife are expecting their third child. When asked if he wants a boy or a girl, LeBron said he was currently reviewing his options and would let the media know when he made a decision.”

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