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The Journal Gazette

Saturday, November 04, 2017 1:00 am

Late-night laughs

Jimmy Fallon

“President Trump did an interview with Lou Dobbs on Fox News last night. And at one point, Dobbs said Trump is 'one of the most loved and respected' presidents in history. Even Trump was like, 'Now that's fake news!' ”

“I read that Queen Elizabeth has made nearly $9 million in winnings from her race horses over the past 30 years. She lost most of it betting on cockfights, but still – that's a lot!”

Conan O'Brien

“President Trump's former campaign manager, Paul Manafort, was charged with conspiracy against the United States. Apparently, his 'conspiracy against the United States' was suggesting to Donald Trump that he run for president.”

“While CNN and MSNBC were covering the Manafort indictments, Fox News did a story about the cheeseburger emoji. Just to keep you up to date, the cheeseburger emoji is still claiming it did not collude with Russia to hijack the election.”

“Last night's Astros-Dodgers World Series game took over five hours, and then LA lost.

“Usually when people from Los Angeles endure something for five hours, at least they get new breasts out of it.”

“President Trump had the JFK files declassified. Trump said, 'I can take the class out of anything.' ”

James Corden

“After the charges were announced, Trump responded by tweeting: 'Sorry but this is years ago before Paul Manafort was part of the Trump campaign, but why aren't crooked Hillary & the Dems the focus?' I know there are larger issues here, but I just want to say, Crooked Hillary and the Dems is a pretty amazing name for a band, isn't it? I would go see them. 'I'm Crooked Hillary, these are the Dems. Are you ready to rock, San Antonio?' ”

Seth Meyers

“A source close to the Trump administration told CNN today that the indictments of two former Trump campaign officials have zero to do with the White House. To be fair, you could say the same thing about President Trump on any given day.”

“Following recent sexual assault allegations against Kevin Spacey, Netflix announced today that 'House of Cards' will end after next season. So I guess it is possible to get a president to step down over sexual assault allegations.”

“Fox News host Lou Dobbs interviewed President Trump and told Trump he is 'one of the most loved and respected presidents in history.' I don't know about that, but he's definitely in the top 45.”