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The Journal Gazette

Saturday, December 02, 2017 1:00 am

Late-night laughs

James Corden

“It was announced that the Donald J. Trump Foundation, the Trump family's charity, is shutting down. He's shutting down his charity right before Christmas. If Trump wasn't going to be visited by three ghosts on Christmas Eve before, he definitely is now.”

Seth Meyers

“Starbucks recently released a limited edition juniper latte. Juniper, or as Betsy DeVos calls it, the biggest planet.”

“President Trump tweeted this morning that NFL stadiums are having a very hard time filling up due to recent national anthem protests. 'Yes, that's why,' said the Cleveland Browns.”

“The top-selling items of Cyber Monday this year included the Nintendo Switch, Apple AirPods and the popular children's toy Hatchimals, while this year's least popular toy is Tickle Me Harvey.”

“Vice President Mike Pence announced today that he will travel to Israel next month to address its legislative body. And this is scary, while he's out of the country, Trump will be in charge.”

“A teacher in Indiana was arrested this week for allegedly snorting cocaine in her classroom. But on the plus side, she covered the whole industrial age in one period.”

Jimmy Fallon

“The White House just unveiled its holiday display, and it has a nativity scene, marking the first time all year there's been Wise Men at the White House.”

“Another big story is that Prince Harry is engaged to Meghan Markle. And it was announced that they'll marry at Windsor Castle this May. Right now, every bride is asking, 'Wow – how'd they get a venue so quick?!' ”

Conan O'Brien

“This week, Secretary of State Rex Tillerson said that Russia isn't acting like a “responsible nation.” President Trump agreed, saying, 'They haven't paid me in months.' ”

“Genealogy experts say that Prince Harry and his fiancée Meghan Markle are actually distant cousins. After hearing they were related, Queen Elizabeth finally gave the couple her blessing.”

“In Indiana, a high school teacher was caught in her classroom snorting cocaine. People became suspicious when parent-teacher conferences lasted only 10 seconds.”

“Some big TV news. MTV is bringing back 'Jersey Shore' next year with the original cast. Just what this country needs – more loud, orange people on TV.”