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The Journal Gazette

Saturday, May 11, 2019 1:00 am

Late-night laughs

Stephen Colbert

“Meghan Markle, with a little help from Prince Harry, gave birth to a baby boy who is seventh in line for the throne, which puts him after Prince George, Princess Charlotte and Prince Louis, but right above Mr. Bean.”

Jimmy Fallon

“Now people are accusing Barr of covering up for Trump. Yeah, when Trump heard, he immediately asked him to resign as attorney general and be his new vice president.”

James Corden

“You already know in amongst all of this that Trump is jealous about all of the attention Barr is getting right now. Do you know what I mean? Trump is like 'What? Hey, I've committed way more crimes than that guy. He covered up my crimes.' ”

“They're going to meet again in three weeks to figure out how to pay for (an infrastructure bill), and you already know Trump is going to say 'Mexico.' ”

Seth Meyers

“You can't boil a report that long down to four pages, and you shouldn't try.

“That's like saying the battle of Winterfell was about a dude who smoked too much weed and thought he was a bird.”

Conan O'Brien

“William Barr's testimony today could really hurt him. Yes. In fact, it was so bad he might even have to stay in the Trump administration.”

Trevor Noah

“Not only did he just watch his wife give birth, that's probably the first time Harry's seen a royal family member perform labor of any kind. He's like, 'Meghan was doing this thing called sweating and I've never heard of it but the doctor says it's quite normal.' ”

(On the Starbucks cup in a “Game of Thrones” episode) “Forget the White Walkers; the White Gentrifiers are coming. Next thing you know a one bedroom in Winterfell is, like, three grand. ... (T)hat's probably why there are only three black people in the whole show – we all got priced out.”

Jimmy Kimmel

“Because a Starbucks cup is what makes the show feel not real: Not the dragons, not the zombies made of ice – the coffee cup on the table.”

“These are personal and business records that Congress issued subpoenas for.

“But you know the president. He treats subpoenas like they're wedding vows – they mean nothing to him.”