The Journal Gazette
Saturday, October 10, 2020 1:00 am

Late night laughs

Plastic, man

“Vice President Mike Pence's staff initially requested no plexiglass barriers be placed on his side of the stage. Said Pence, 'If there's going to be any flat, transparent divider on that stage, it's going to be me.' ” – Seth Meyers

“Gotta say, I've seen better sneeze guards at the Sizzler salad bar.” – Stephen Colbert

White hot

“The Trump administration is now the hot zone. Coming this fall from Aaron Sorkin: 'The Infest Wing.' ” – Stephen Colbert

“At least 30 people in Trump's circle have tested positive for COVID-19. You realize that means there's been more infections at the White House over the last day than in New Zealand, Vietnam, Taiwan, Thailand and Australia combined. The White House Rose Garden is like the wet market of America right now.” – Trevor Noah

“Everyone from Trump's campaign manager to Trump's press secretary to Trump's friends have been infected with coronavirus now. It's almost like the writers of 2020 didn't know how to wrap the story up so they were just like, 'Uh, then they all get coronavirus, the end.' ” – Trevor Noah

“When she heard he was coming home, Melania immediately checked herself into Walter Reed.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Now look, I know some people are saying this was karma catching up to Trump, but guys, a massive outbreak at the White House is not karma, it's consequences, all right? It's not karma to get hit by lightning when you're standing on the roof of a skyscraper holding a metal rod while there's lightning. The universe didn't do that ... to you – you did that ... to yourself.” – Trevor Noah

“Now, while the doctors were presenting a rosy picture, they also revealed that Trump has been put on two drugs: remdesivir and dexamethasone

“ I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure it's not a good sign when you get prescribed the high score in a Scrabble game.” – Stephen Colbert

“The president tried to prove how healthy he was this weekend by releasing (a) photo of him 'at work.' Now, some have pointed out that the piece of paper seems to be blank. But to defend the president, that doesn't mean he's not working because a blank piece of paper is his COVID response plan.” – Stephen Colbert

Balcony scene

“Look, I don't know how it's possible to see all the damage that coronavirus has done this year, then get seriously sick from it yourself, and then come out of the hospital and say it's no big deal, it's just like the flu? You know, you would think that somewhere along that journey Trump would pick up a tiny, tiny bit of knowledge. But, hey, maybe he's immune to that, too.” – Trevor Noah

“[as Trump] We have the best medicine. We all have experimental treatments that nobody else has gotten. We all have the best helicopter to fly us to and from our publicly subsidized mansion that itself contains an in-home intensive care unit. We're definitely gonna beat this virus. That's what we all have. Not sure about you all, though. We all have that.” – Stephen Colbert

“It's genuinely hard to recall a moment in American life that felt more unhinged than the grotesque spectacle we all witnessed last night. An infectious president on powerful steroids and experimental drugs walking around with a potentially deadly virus, making a big show of leaving the hospital, flying back to the White House at sunset, and just before Joe Biden's town hall, taking his mask off in front of the cameras and visibly gasping for air, like he's been guardingLeBron James all night.” – Seth Meyers

“That's the craziest thing he's ever done on that balcony – and that's the same place where he looked straight into an eclipse.”– Jimmy Fallon

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